And I am going to explain how you can do that in the least painful way. It is specifically arranged by the universe to wake us up.He found that when one's feelings are denied a person can be made to feel crazy even they are perfectly mentally healthy. Further, emotion inhibition significantly predicted psychological distress, including depression and anxiety symptoms.) Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal. Sometimes it feels as though as a parent life is so overwhelming and there is too much for one person to do.This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. The more different from the mass norm a person is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated. During those times I have to focus on one thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do it well, and accept some things just wont happen as ideally as Id like.However, the invalidation may come in seemingly harmless statements from otherwise well-meaning people.In these cases, it is harder to unravel the impact on our psyches because it just didn’t seem so bad. This person has just repeated what your inner defender has been telling you all along. All that work you have been doing to override your defender and access your traumatic pain has been thwarted. We are energetically attracted to those with similar trauma. When we interact with people, we will inevitably face their projection, as they will inevitably face ours.For example, we might tell someone how we are going to rise above our circumstances one day, and we may be told to be realistic by someone who wants to keep us from being hurt by failure. Your inner defender feels vindicated and has gained a little strength. You inner child is now screaming at the ridiculousness of this invalidation which is repeated again and again. That doesn’t mean we had the exact same experiences. Projection is a fairly simple process that creates a whirlwind of difficulties in relationship. The person who invalidates you has faced similar invalidation in their own life.
As a result, the child might feel that s/he is somehow very different from his/her peers (perhaps s/he is depressed, anxious, severely lacking in confidence and withdrawn) without understanding why this is.Its a very painful state of affairs and we have no way of healing from it until we come to understand the countless ways in which emotional invalidation operates to block our true feelings, self and needs. Feeling overwhelmed by decision making or just overwhelmed in your ability to function in daily life. Being unable to have a realistic sense of one’s strengths and weaknesses. That is : experiences them only as pulling, pain, tearing, burning, squeezing. One of the reasons borderline personality has that name is that those of us who suffer from it live on the border of psychosis, we live very close to the unconscious, most especially the body unconscious, our triggers of past difficulties, frustrations and traumas are never very far from the surface and often they can bleed through or tear apart our usual mundane conscious space.Lack of emotional validation sets us up for a disconnected relationship with who we really are. Hoovering (to be explained in another blog.) Hiding true feelings and needs out of fear of being abandoned. Not allowing very real human mistakes or feeling deep shame for making mistakes. Getting a handle on when we are triggered by emotional invalidation goes a huge way to easing our pain.To use an expression coined by the psychologist Bowen (1976) the child may become psychologically ‘de-selfed’.Such a parent can exhibit dramatic mood swings and may vascillate, unpredictably, between being too involved with the child’s life and being too remote and withdrawn from him/her.